this was my morning. i woke up in the arms of a beautiful man, as he lay kissing me awake. Then we went for breakfast and afterward he walked me home. i've had maybe five hours sleep in two days, still cant sleep...
i 'm so greatful to have such a lovely Muse. This means my art has returned... When i am grounded by affection, adoration, and trust, the world shines in a different light.
I am back to unschooling my kids. free range kids , they say. til we decide what we are doing,anyhow. i wanna go fuckin run away and never be found, in the woods with my progeney , like a time best left forgotten.
things that are important.; CPR,and how to apply a touniquette knowing how to birth a baby. Knowing how to shoot a gun understanding social construct knowing how to grow a garden knowing how to bake real bread knowing how to purify water understanding physics understanding human nature learning to compete with oneself
knowing how to get STILL there is more to this. i am unsure of what. anyhow. understanding electricity is in there somewhere.
He DOES love his children, and we are discussing things amicably now. All either of us want is for them to be happy, safe and in a stable, loving environment. That will best happen if both parents are working as a team to make thier lives as good as possible. I know that i have done him wrong by this, i DID lie to him. He may have done wrong by reading my private thoughts but i understand why he did and why he reacted the way he did. . and thats not to make excuses for him... just to say that this isnt all his fault, not at all.
i'm crossing my fingers and toes right now. The Universe keeps telling me to work with people. Lets see what happens, eh? im a nervous ,jitttery headachey pmsing mess today. fuck you everything. i hate you. but seriously though.
i dont believe in failure. i believe that everything happens for a reason and that our marriage was NOT a waste of time.. it was a learning experience and this, now is a huge opportunity for growth and change. i wont give in to being bitter, i wont get jaded, because above all else, i believe in love, and its amazing ability to heal.its going to take time, but thats ok.it takes as long as it takes.