He  DOES love his children, and we are discussing things amicably now. All either of us want is for them to be happy, safe and in a stable, loving environment. That will best happen if both parents are working as a team to make thier lives as good as possible.
 I know that i have done him wrong by this, i DID lie to him.  He may have done wrong by reading my private thoughts but i understand why he did and why he reacted the way he did. .  and thats not to make excuses for him...  just to say that this isnt all his fault, not  at all.

 i just want things to be good.  that is all.

 i'm crossing my fingers and toes right now.  The Universe keeps telling me to work with people. Lets see what happens, eh?
 im a nervous ,jitttery headachey pmsing mess today. fuck you everything. i hate you. but seriously though.


i have to go now, here i go.
Im going.
yeah.

 i want to send a huge thank you to dakotaluna  . Your card came in the mail today and was EXACTLY what i needed.  I love it, and you , and Thank You so much for brightening my day.


 <3

it always amuses me the  different ways that children will hide when they feel that they have misbehaved.

I am really really really excited about being able to ride my bike again!!!!! increased lung capacity and muscle tone here i come!!!

 there  is a cat  on my bed, rolling in a sunbeam,and i swear at times she actually smiles.

 look at my excellent cat.

 Yesterday  started out feeling dim and gross but ended  in a wonderful way.  the lovely joyousandjuicy  was kind enough to have me over ( along with another gal pal, C,also awesomeness) and  we ended up with grrl time,  chocolate fondue , gabbing and   deranged giggles of many sorts. dancing. dancing too tres fun!
    joyous gifted me with not only a rockin'  skirt which i love but the exact perfect thing that i have been wanting for   months now: a perfectly sized pendant necklace, not too gaudy, on a chain,  that sits just right. Im not sure what stone it is, but its white and i LOVE it so much i may never ever take it off except as required. How did she know the exact pendant shape and size?? i have no clue how she knew .
intuitive grrly i guess.


Beautiful S starts his new job today  and this evening is family dinner :)
  i hoping today is as good as yesterday and that yours is too.

i am struck with the distinct inability to articulate my thoughts as of late.

  cut my hair today. no moar split ends. its still long, dont freak out.

 that is all.

tired.
 making shepards pie.
had cuddles and some sleep
felt better. got up. more talking, felt better still.
 maybe cuddle up with menfolk and a movie later on; its not necessarily sexual, but i sure as anything  like to be in the middle.


 cat sits on my desk, does the stretchy cat feet thing, omg, its so cute.
 
*crickets*

blah. blah blah.

it can be a dark,weird place in here sometimes.

.
 somedays i want to tattoo my skin with snakes and ravens and owls and a million tiny  prayers . everywhere.
i feel like theres a quiet rumble inside of me, heating up, brewing, but not quite ready to shine.....
 a little girl waiting to  awaken and finally be fully grown.
 thats me.

i am so proud of my Love!!
 he just came out,and told his mom hes poly.
 " Do you have threesomes with them?"
 
 "Yes."

 "..Oh my!"

NICE!!!

 life
 stuff takes as long as it takes.

 we can push ourselves to evolve, take the pain, a little at a time. flex the muscle.

 As long as we keep trying and love ourselves as we go along.

i thought i was making a dress. 

 I think its actually a cloak.

 most definately a cloak, yes.
 i think it needs to be lined in  Black velvet... hmmmmmmmm

did i mention its snowing? and that i am in love?

 I am so , so lucky to Love these beautiful two.

 With S there is  a special connection : he isn't just my partner/ lover  , he is also one of my very best friends. In fact,  the fact that he was my best friend was the  one thing that  tipped my hand enough to say , YES, i will marry this man. There's  a deep level of understanding and a commitment to helping one another in our evoloution, both as individuals and as a couple More than that, a commitment to the continued development of our relationship, no matter how difficult it may seem in the moment, and no matter what that takes.

 With T its quite different, but our relationship has its own merits. We have a similar sense of humour,  and way of looking at things,as well as the ability /habit of detatching at times. His own deep calm  grounds me out in ways that no one else ever has, and he doesn't judge my crazyness.  he continuously surprises me with his gentleness and his   willingness to  give to this thing we have, more so than i had imagined he would. He as well, i would marry in a heart beat , and  am lucky to call one of my very best friends.

 i have more to say about both of my loves, but that is for another time :)

 waking up to both of them here every day pleases me more than i can ever  explain..

 How many of my poly peeps work for microsoft?
!!!!!!!!!!
 i know at least two.